Things Music Videos from the 90s taught me

(Note: I wrote this at midnight, dead tired after a long day and didn't proof it before I posted it. Feedback about how I screwed up spellings, or context or band names is fine and I'm well aware I suck. I usually do some proofing before I post and I didn't this time. Corrections are in red.-SP)

Despite saying making lists isn't as much fun I'm starting to do it again.

1. Rusty pipes contain meat (Tool - Sober)

2. If you catch your S.O .cheating get a naval piercing, kick a purse snatcher's ass and bungee jump off an overpass. You'll feel better. (Aerosmith - Cryin')

3. Right now is harder than it looks. (Van Halen - Right now)

4. 70s cop shows may go out of vogue but they hardly go out of fashion (Beastie Boys – Sabotage)

5. If you play the VFW's dance and don't feel you'll connect with them. Just ask if they like the music you like and they should come around. (Violent Femmes – American Music)

6. When the artist puts themselves in a cameo role it can be cool. Two cameo roles and a featured part are excessive. (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – Into the Great Wide Open)

7. Banned videos are often incredibly over hyped and not very cool (Madonna – Justify my Love)

8. And sometimes they are damned cool. (Prodigy – Smack my Bitch Up)

9. If you light someone on fire and have them run down the street in slow motion the end of the video becomes pointless (Wax – California)

10. Some videos need a shot for shot parody and get it (Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit & Red Hot Chili Peppers – Give it away)

11. And some never do (REM – Losing my Religion)

12. Sometimes death is confusing, as well as marriage (Guns and Roses – November Rain)

13. Singing a song about large posteriors whilst dancing upon one makes me question the current nobility (also it is awesome). (Sir Mix-a-lot – Baby got Back)

14. Don't believe urban legends. They aren't the Olson Twins. (Nirvana – Heart-Shaped Box)

15. If you are an outsider and search hard enough you'll find a place where people are like you. (No Rain – Blind Melon)

16. Videos that look like they were made by a bunch of suburban teens bored on a Saturday are cool only when you first see them and when watching them through nostalgic lenses. (Gin Blossoms – Hey Jealous, Green Day – Longview)

17. Just because it's expensive doesn't mean it has anything to do with that song… actually what is that song about? (Michael and Janet Jackson – Scream)

18. Posthumous success and advancing technology can put a departed band member in a video as though they were stuck down and became more powerful than you can possibly imagine. (Sublime – Santeria)

19. Yes 'A Trip to the Moon' was an awesome silent film (Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight)

20. It may not be art blatant double entendres and make up that makes people look like toy cowboys but it should be. (Primus – Wionna's Big Brown Beaver)

21. Having a mostly female band play amongst a group of naked men is an example of gender equality. And sexual exploitation (Elastica – Connection)

22. Happy Days is cool when you combine episodes and when Fonzie Dances (Weezer – Buddy Holly)

23. It would be cool living in an old style Hollywood musical for a day or two. Week at the most. (Björk – It's Oh So Quiet)

24. Living in the suburbs could cause a black hole to form (Soundgarden – Blackhole Sun)

25. Because variety shows don't exist anymore (beside a couple like Sabado Gigante) musicians are forced to create their own (Dandy Warhols – Not if you were the Last Junkie on Earth, Squirrel Nut Zippers – Hell, Mike Flowers Pop Orchestra – Wonderwall)

26. Some siblings have confusing relationships (Len – Steal my Sunshine)
    

27. My elementary school had a really under funded drama program (Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm)

28. Men's restrooms are so much more disgusting than women's. (No Doubt - Just a Girl)

29. Despite getting instructions I never learned that damned dance (Will Smith – Men in Black)

30. Guerilla Dance groups need to take themselves less seriously (Fatboy Slim – Praise You)

31. Confusion is all down to perspective (Jamiroquai – Virtual Insanity)

32. Planning is the trademark of a master criminal (Jane's Addiction – Been Caught Stealing)

33. Throwing someone to the sharks at an aquarium and then playing a song in front of the tank is not a good use of your time before the police arrive. (Duran Duran – Come Undone)

34. PSAs would be more effective if they rocked. (Megadeth – 99 Ways to Die)

35. Loading up the micro bus and going to the middle of nowhere is a good way to turn a week end into a month (Rusted Root – Send Me on My Way)

36. If your buddy doesn't take 2 as advice just chill and finish your soda (Blink 182 – Dammit)

37. After how hotel rooms are portrayed any one who cleans them should be canonized. (Joan Osborne – St. Teresa)

38. If they're playing this I guess someone in the band died (Grateful Dead – Touch of Grey)

39. Opening acts won't have a problem if you just show up and steal their slot (Save Ferris – Come on Eileen)

40. If I shave my head, get a black turtle neck, sit in the back seat and buy booze for a pack of teenagers I could easily make this a reality. (Smashing Pumpkins – 1979)
    

41. With the right car and clothes everywhere you go becomes an old style dance party. (Fastball –The Way)

42. Music videos are the new milk cartons (Soul Asylum – Runaway Train)